Do you confidently sweep into a room full of strangers with a smile? Or do you hide behind somebody you know hoping nobody will notice you? Or is it impossible to get you out of your front door?
A lack of self-esteem affects our relationships, efficiency, and every aspect of our lives. In fact it is common to find anxiety and social phobia becoming a debilitating problem for many people. When a person has a high self-worth they are far less likely to fear criticism or worry about what other people think.
What is Self-Worth?
Self-worth is often confused with the idea that it is ‘selfish’ to love yourself or to think highly of yourself, and yet without self-care and self-worth it is almost impossible to adequately care for others or live a purposeful, fulfilling existence.
Hypnotherapy, EFT and counselling can help tremendously with building self-confidence and facing the world with aplomb.
The first thing we learn as a child is that we have to conform in order to be loved, acceptable, or avoid pain. We learn that our happiness relies on approval from others (initially read: Mum, Dad, Sisters, Brothers, and then later on teachers, friends and so on). We learn that there are parts of ourselves that need to be hidden to avoid disapproval, because disapproval often hurts!
The problem is that we also develop a view of ourselves as somehow ‘bad’ or ‘not good enough’. Very often these ‘hidden’ parts become like frogs in a box that jump out just when we least want them to. Often referred to as our ‘shadow’, these parts need to be acknowledged and accepted, in order to change the way we feel about ourselves.
Self-doubt is not always a bad thing, but when self-doubt begins to affect your life and stop you from being all you can be, it is definitely worth getting some help.
The Affect of Our Inner-Critic
“I am not good enough.”
“When I am in a social situation, I don’t know what to say. I look stupid.”
“I think other people are somehow more intelligent, more capable than me.”
“People like me, but that’s because they don’t know what I am really like.”
“People are judgmental and horrible.”
“It is terrible to be criticized.”
None of these stories is ‘true’ in the real sense of the word, although they may indeed ‘seem’ true to the inner critic.
More useful ways of thinking include seeing other people in a more realistic light. For example, I am more likely to be liked because I am ‘interested’, not because I am ‘interesting’! We are more likely to think highly of people who like us and are pleasant to us, so why would that be different for other people?
Self Image Issues
Coaching techniques can help to uncover inner ‘stories’, whilst inner child healing (usually done by a hypnotherapist using regression techniques) can help to deal with the roots of self-image issues.
A client of mine said recently: “I would never have even put my lack of self-confidence down to my dysfunctional childhood… until I actually started the inner child stuff. We just don’t know because it has almost been imbedded into us.”
Finding and living as our authentic selves can be a lifetime process of course, and there are many complexities in each of us. Working with a therapist or coach for a while can give you a head start in learning different techniques and approaches to uncover your personal self-sabotaging profile!
Is it time to stop being a people pleaser and start being your authentic, unique self?
Hypnotherapy, Coaching and EFT for Healthy Self-Confidence
I work with people from all walks of life who have self-image and self-worth issues that affect their self confifdence. I use hypnotherapy, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and coaching to provide a comprehensive approach to help anyone enjoy healthy and robust self-confidence.
by Gayle Joubert
Hypnotherapist – Guildford and Twickenham